as old man came to me and asked me to fix his phone, i told him nothing was wrong with his phone and then he said how come my son doesn't call me anymore then?, the feels
really hardcore kid, my coworker just told me about a kid he knew in second grade that was really allergic to peanuts but one day during lunch he said he couldn't take it anymore and wanted to know what recess taste like, so he pulled out his epicene, ate the reese cup then stabbed himself with the epipen and told the teach to call the hospital
you know hitler was from germany, he was from austria, then how come you never saw him with kangaroos, that'-s, or a boomerang
I was recently riding with a friend of mine.

We were coming to a red light, and he shoots right through it. I ask him, “Why’d you do that?” He tells me this is how his brother drives.

We come to another red light, and again, he shoots right through it. I ask him, “Why’d you do that?” Again, he tells me this is how his brother drives.

We come to a green light, and he slams on the brakes. My heart nearly goes into my throat. I shouted at him, “Why do you do that?!”

He replied, “You never know, my brother could be coming the other way.”
last night my boyfriend got drunk and told me if i tried to kiss him he would call his woman, and i kissed him so he called my phone just to tell me that i tried to kiss him