and i looked and behold a pale horse, and his name that sat on him was death, and hell followed with him
sew one button, doesn't make you a tailor, cook one meal, doesn't make you a chef, but fuck one horse and you're a horsefucker for all of history
yesterday i when i was driving home from practice, i got pulled over and i panicked and then i looked and say my dad, he thinks he's so funny

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carols".