i was walking past a farm and a sign said, duck, eggs, i thought, that's an unnecessary comma, and then it hit me
when you're getting along with your coworker then they take it too far and hit the we should hangout outside of work
college is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane

Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove it. Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says to him: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The man is very confused but does as he’s told.

The patient and the doctor repeat this process for 5 days. On the sixth day, the doctor tells the patient: Tomorrow bring two bananas but instead of a Snickers bar, bring a mallet. The patient is again confused but does as he’s told.

The next day the doctor inserts both bananas up the guy’s butt and quickly grabs the mallet and waits.

All of the sudden, the tapeworm pops out saying : Hey! Where’s my Snickers bar?

WHAM!!!!

so this happened last night, wind blew it off a lamp post in the back yard, dog got curious and then got it stuck on her head, i spotted her out my window and couldn't believe my eyes at first, she was perfectly still, take off