Three Nuns are in line at the gates to get into Heaven Saint Peter tells them “Before you may enter the gates of Heaven, if you have ever touched a mans penis, place that body part in this bowl of holy water so you may be cleansed.”

The first Nun steps up and places her hand in the water, then walks into Heaven.

The third Nun jumps in front of the second Nun and asks “can I gargle the water before she sticks her butt in it?”

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked his wife.

“I’ll never understand women,” he replied. “I was riding up an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!”

“I can certainly appreciate that,” said the wife. “But how did you get the second black eye?”

“Well, I figured she liked it that way,” said the husband, “so I pushed it back in.”