i'm no doctor but if anyone is gonna save this man's life it's the girl on the right

Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove it. Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says to him: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The man is very confused but does as he’s told.

The patient and the doctor repeat this process for 5 days. On the sixth day, the doctor tells the patient: Tomorrow bring two bananas but instead of a Snickers bar, bring a mallet. The patient is again confused but does as he’s told.

The next day the doctor inserts both bananas up the guy’s butt and quickly grabs the mallet and waits.

All of the sudden, the tapeworm pops out saying : Hey! Where’s my Snickers bar?

WHAM!!!!

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked his wife.

“I’ll never understand women,” he replied. “I was riding up an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!”

“I can certainly appreciate that,” said the wife. “But how did you get the second black eye?”

“Well, I figured she liked it that way,” said the husband, “so I pushed it back in.”

Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.

So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through."

He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks,"Now what happened?"

To this he replies, "Small world."