have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it's the same moon shakespeare and marie antoinette and van gogh and cleopatra looked at, they all looked at the moon, they're all dead, the moon is killing people
step over ants, put worms back in the grass, rescue baby caterpillaws, release spiders back into your garden, open windows for bees to fly home, they are all little souls that deserve a life too
detroit cops posing as drug dealers tried to arrest detroit cops posing as drug buyers and then they all had a fistfight in the middle of the street

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carols".

why do i hate people, because you can do 99 things for someone, and all they'll remember is the one thing you didn't do