Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove it. Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says to him: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The man is very confused but does as he’s told.

The patient and the doctor repeat this process for 5 days. On the sixth day, the doctor tells the patient: Tomorrow bring two bananas but instead of a Snickers bar, bring a mallet. The patient is again confused but does as he’s told.

The next day the doctor inserts both bananas up the guy’s butt and quickly grabs the mallet and waits.

All of the sudden, the tapeworm pops out saying : Hey! Where’s my Snickers bar?

WHAM!!!!

Three Nuns are in line at the gates to get into Heaven Saint Peter tells them “Before you may enter the gates of Heaven, if you have ever touched a mans penis, place that body part in this bowl of holy water so you may be cleansed.”

The first Nun steps up and places her hand in the water, then walks into Heaven.

The third Nun jumps in front of the second Nun and asks “can I gargle the water before she sticks her butt in it?”