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  • we got a new slow cooker, chef turtle
  • when your mom opens the door without knocking, cat smoking a cigar sitting on cash and guns
  • stop looking at old volvos, you already have three, why can't you just look at porn like a normal husband
  • if i asked you to have sex with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one
  • when this baby hits 88 miles per hour you're gonna see some serious shit, comic, back to the future, literally a baby
  • a man walks into a zoo, the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog, it's a shitzu, this is literally my favourite joke ever
  • ever read something so stupid it gives you forest whitaker eye, meme
  • after this week i really need to be taken out, on a date or by a sniper, either one is fine with me at this point


  • fyi this was not made with love
  • i pissed away my immortality counting things, that was my passion?, goddamn numbers?, how many years did i waste?, 500? 501? 502?, ah ah ahhhh fuck me
  • i've outlived whitney houston, michael jackson and elvis, betcha didn't see that coming, keith richards
  • but why?, lipstick marks inside toilet bowl, wtf
  • homeless person with super clean cat
  • pizza + boobs = love
  • man dies after downing vodka with pals then wakes up in morgue and returns to party
  • have to say, not a huge fan


  • #39564

  • tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe and the vast majority believe you

    , tell them the paint is wet and they have to touch it to be sure, george carlin
  • 1187 views
tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe and the vast majority believe you, tell them the paint is wet and they have to touch it to be sure, george carlin
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