I was in a very busy Asda, and I said to this young lady,
'I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?'
She said, 'Sure you can, but how will that help?'
I said, 'I'll bet you anything she'll appear out of nowhere'
how to find your wife

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked his wife.

“I’ll never understand women,” he replied. “I was riding up an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned around and punched me in the eye!”

“I can certainly appreciate that,” said the wife. “But how did you get the second black eye?”

“Well, I figured she liked it that way,” said the husband, “so I pushed it back in.”